back, hi hello

 yuh. I’m back even tho no one is gonna read this idc

Im 19 now 

I’m still at college, studying computing. It’s ok but eh idk 

Life became utter chaos in September 2025, I broke up with my boyfriend and went kinda insane. Essentially I knew this dude that I met back in December 24 when I was 17. Anyways he was like 22 when I became closer with him.

He’s a fickin idiot, full on nutcase in every way. He isn’t even hot so wasnt worth dating. I essentially stringed him on for months. September 25 to July 19th 26. Almost a year, damn lol.

He was insane, we’re both mentally ill obviously, he’s 23 doing an IT job, earning too much money, still living with his nan. He sexually assaulted me in march of this year so I dedecided I’d drain him of as much money as possible. 

And so I did. I’ve got a switch 2 from him lol, concert tickets, money, food, clothes, cute merch, everything. Was fun lol. 

Then ^he^ came into my life. I’ll call this guy BK. OOO nirvana is playing. Anyways. I met this dude called BK back in may this year. He’s a friend of a friend. When I saw his IG I was immediately hooked. Like fuck. Hooked hooked. Probably didn’t help that during that time I was stuck in a job and declining mentally, but anyways..

So while I was stringing along the 23 year old, I was becoming super fixed in BK. he goes to a college next to mine, he’s very… unique and I love that. Ridiculously attractive. And he’s a year younger than me..

The first time me and BK properly hung out we fucked :3 this was back in like the beginn Of June.. idk. Big development for me. After being sexually assaulted by three separated individuals I didn’t think I’d be able to have sex.

It was awkward and I was in trouble with my parents but fuck I felt so euphoric tht night. I stayed at my friends house, her and her fuckass looking bf picked me up as I couldn’t stay at his.

Me and BK were so toxic back when we were friends, still turns me on whenever I thnk abotunut. I’ve always wanted a hypersexual friendship. Only other one I’ve had is when I had a threesome with one of my female friends and her bf back in April-may. Yes I’m a whore I know. Councillors are trying to fix me weekly so..

Anyways. BK knew I was in love with him (it was way more than that lol but I have a good poker face). He was too scared to be in a relationship at the time so rejected me. 

Did I have a mental brakdown and try to kill my self? Yes. Pathetic, I know. Natural selection should’ve done its thing blah blah blah but I was rescued by a handsome fireman so it’s all good.

Besides the universe heard my plea and soon shit got GOOD. This was all the start of June. I was going out every night watching the World Cup games with that 23 year old. I was quite deep in an alcohol addiction. I was insanely manic, and doctors weren’t really sure what to do with me. 

I was under the care of my hospitals crisis team for probably around a month. I briefly tried to explain my obession with BK but didn’t go too much into detail as I didn’t want to get sectioned. Throughout this time my days consisted of: waking up tired from mitrazpine, dealing with my dad complaints about my mum leaving, hyperfixting and obsessing over BK, crisis team meetings then going out to drink with the 23 year old.

On a beautiful day in mid June, BK called me during an appointment I had with a psychologist. The psychologist said he thought there was a chance I was sexually abused as a young child. That shook me up. I came up of ky appointment and sat very uncomfortably in the car with my dad. That feeling stayed there for about half an hour. Until I was back to being fixated on the love of my life. He’d invited me to hangout. 

Later that day we hung out with another one of his friends. Afterwards he texted me saying he had feelings for me. MY LIFE BECAME SO GOOD FROM THERE.

THE DAY BEFORE HE CONFESSED: It was the World Cup semi final. I was watching it wth the old spastic man. England lost. We were drunk. We got into a physical fight. I blocked him on everything ajd focused on BK :3

I was scheduled to hangout with BK the next day. We were gonna get some dandadan keyrings. HE ASKED ME OUT. OH MY GOD. BEST WEEK EVER. SO EUPHORIC.

me and bk have been dating since then. He genuinely has no idea how obsessed I am with him. Doctors and counsellors don’t know how to help me so if I end up flipping out and doing something stupid because of jealousy. Well. I’ve tried to get help.

I love him so so much.

My anxiety disorder and OCD is being treated with mitrazpne and it’s really helped me.

Im still taking my sexual abuser to court alone. Yay. But I get counselling to he    lp me with sexual trauma and stuff.

So yeah. Life is interesting. Definitely my most manic year yet. 

I can’t wait for my bi monthly mania to come back I miss it :)

Anyways I’m out for now. And if any sick freak comes across this post, say hi. 

K, bye for now. ^_^